We have been on a long, hard journey for the last 5 and a half years. A journey that has taken us to the lowest of lows and kept us in those lows for a long time. Just when a peak would happen and we would begin the uphill walk, something else would knock us back down. Obviously, Olive coming into our world has made all of this more bearable, but it hasn't made the true pain go away. If there is one thing I have learned over this journey, it is that grief stinks. It really does. You always hear "everyone grieves differently and you have to respect their right to do so." I can tell you that YES, everyone grieves very differently and something that I know to be true for myself is that I grieve very differently for each person I have lost. We have attended over 20 funerals in the last 5 years of people who we knew well and loved and we have been shaken by each individual loss. The strange thing for me is that I have been more open about my grief for the people who I wasn't as close to. I guess it easier that way because the pain doesn't hurt as deeply.
The one who was the absolute closest to my heart is the one I have not even begun to deal with and unfortunately my "way of grieving" means I seldom even talk about him. I think about him daily, but I rarely share memories or talk about him out loud and I have decided that needs to change. I think it will help me begin some sort of "grieving process" and maybe just maybe start to regain my faith that God doesn't enjoy seeing me struggle. I have decided to participate in this whole "Throwback Thursday" thing, but I am doing it a little differently. I am going to share a memory of my Dad every Thursday. Those that know me well, know that I am much better at writing out my feelings than saying them. So maybe this is how I can admit how much I miss him and how bad it hurts for him to not be here with us anymore. I decided to do it in this space on our blog because I feel like if I commit to it and tell someone I am going to do it, then I will be more likely to stick with it. So here goes, the first Dano Throwback Thursday memory and even with a love theme since it is Valentine's Day...
When we were little the Michael Bolton song "When A Man Loves A Woman" was super popular and being the Magic 104.1 listening family that we were, we heard it a lot, especially in the car. But for some reason, Mica and I decided to change the words to say "When a man loves a woman, they smoochie together!" Which we found HYSTERICAL. Dad would get so tickled at us singing this and would always join in on our little song recreation. Mom would smile and roll her eyes at all of us which just caused the three of us to sing louder and more silly until she would laugh. Apparently Mica has been reliving her 104.1 days at work lately and sent me a recording of the song on the radio just this week. Looking back, I so appreciate my Dad for letting us know that it was okay to be silly and for being silly right along with us.
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